Mortgage and Mediation

Today, I say YUCK to teenagers!

Do you have a teenager?  If you don’t, I am sure you know some?  Sometimes, I think they belong on another planet and I ask myself, “I raised that child, right?”

Well, I can come up with hundreds of examples of why I say this but today and I am a family mediator but I have to tell you, some days my mediation skills fly right out the window and I feel like a am right at war in my own home and a contributer of the war.  What is up with that?

However, in this situation I kept me under control:

I want to bring up how intuitive 6 year old can be when their is an issue with the yucky teenagers.  I have a 6 year old girl, a 14 year old boy and a 19 year old girl.  My 6 year had a friend over as usual (they hate to be without a friend at all times it seems), and she came to me right before dinner and said” I have a problem.  Why is it that my brother and sister treat their friends better than me?”  The friend chimed in and said she had the same problem in her home.  I said, “I don’t know, why don’t you bring that up at dinner and we will discuss it”, she said “okay”. 

Everyone came to dinner and the littlest one said, “I want to know why you treat your friends better then me sometimes? and she had examples to share.  Her friend chimed in stating the same.  The olders started the blame game immediately as they do and I let it go for awhile, them all debating back and forth.  I interrupted the debate eventually and asked if each of us could come up with one thing you could do better to work on treating our family members better while staying connected on a regular basis. Once they presented their thoughts, each person could suggest something they would like them to change as well.  We then committed to work on these things during the week and we would check in in 2 weeks and see how we were all doing.  I also suggested that if we catch each other slipping on our commitment to say “caught you”. 

So, it was a tough start and we haven’t had our followup dinner yet.  It has been fun catching each other during the week and catching ourselves too.

I am teaching a mediation class for mothers and daughters with the Pleasanton Adult Education and Center for Community Dispute Services on the evening of March 15th.  We will be doing introductions and chatting about our own family history of conflict and then role playing some real situation within your family.  It is going to be a great evening.  We will be sending home cheat postcards to keep you practicing what you learned and if enough interest, I will be starting a support group thereafter.

Whether you are a mother with a teenager, a mother of an adult or a daughter of an elderly mother, we all have conflict and learning how to have healthy exchanges during that conflict is so important.  It saves relationships which is what I am in the business of doing as I continue to work within my own family too.

See you tomorrow,

KB

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February 18, 2007 - Posted by | communication, daughters, family, friends, home, mediation, mothers, teenagers

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